You’re Not Alone

Healing from a narcissist is just hard. I don’t care if the abuse was afflicted by a spouse, a family member, or even friend it is one of the hardest types of abuse to heal from. The wounds they inflict run deep, deeper than most realize. They take your trust and twist it in unrecognizable ways. They lie so skillfully you start to question yourself and your own sanity. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is their fault until they find you walking away. It is only then they relinquish and accept just enough to try to reel you back in.

Getting out. Wow. They love bomb you, buying your favorite things in massive amounts. Saying anything they think you want to hear. Anything to get their foot back in the door because when they do this, they take back the control you’d tried so hard to escape.

You have unknowingly, unwillingly formed a trauma bond with them. This bond ties you in an endless cycle of emotional abuse. You think you need the person when in reality it is the person that needs you.

A friend told me to keep a journal so that you are not deceived. You write things as they are and you have it to reference back to when their manipulation tries to twist the truth in your head. My mom told me to make a list of good and bad things. I had only did that in my head.

He is still relentlessly sending me messages. I have blocked him so many times. I made that list my mom had suggested. I got to 32 things he’d done to me that destroyed our marriage and almost destroyed me. I literally almost died twice and he could not even take care of my April (my dog and baby), whose anxiety is high when away from me, even while I was in the hospital from days to weeks. He barely came to see me in those long hospital stays. I went into surgery in tears at one point because he was late and I felt completely alone.

I cried ugly tears as I looked over the growing list. Poppa (God) did he ever love me?! God, he’s not capable of love daughter. As I cried out in my prayer language, I kept hearing I see, I see. I said I know You see Poppa, why didn’t I see? God, he needed you and you wanted to believe in him. He knew you’d blame yourself, but your love was pure daughter. You have learned much and discernment from Me will never allow you to walk down that road again. It still hurts Poppa. God, I know but I’m healing those areas of your heart and I’m restoring the time and things stolen. Other women will find Me through you. Their hearts will be mended because of the fires you walked through. Fires that burned out impurities. Fires that polished you, refined you, and caused you to hear Me clearly. The devil tried to take you out, but I Am that I Am writes your story and it’s just beginning…

If you are trapped in this endless cycle of trauma bonding and reading this, it is not by accident. You are not crazy. You do not deserve it. You are not alone. There is beauty after the storm. Send me a message. I’d be happy to pray with you, over you. We do get out and God repairs the heartache. He uses that brokenness to His glory. You’ve got this because God has you. I have coaching spots opening soon and I’d love to walk you through this journey to freedom. 🦅 ~ Chelle, #f8ithgal