I have had today’s passage on my heart for a couple of days. I spent yesterday resting, it was a rough week. I needed time to just rest and rest I did. I spent some time watching the beautiful Rose of Sharon in my yard and thinking.
I began to reflect on my life. So many things going on around me, within me. Emotional hurdles I thought I’d cleared and left behind. I’m still being bombarded with emails from my ex-husband, the newly married one who still tirelessly cyber stalks me. I should be able to delete them and just move on, right?
Not long ago, I decided not to go back to my neurologist. I was seeing a PA every 3 months to renew medications with migraines that were still occurring. I spoke to my PCP and we decided she would fill several of the meds until I was established with a new neurologist. When filling my meds into their weekly container I noticed one was almost out. I decided to cut it in half and then go off of it. Whew!! I was so sick the first week. Last week was week 2 and out of seemingly nowhere I was hit with an emotional windfall. My mind was all over the place. Thursday and Friday took the hardest hit. I called my PCP to tell her I needed her to call it in. I’m just not strong enough Poppa I reasoned within myself. I was instructed to go to the ER, my family agreed. I didn’t go. Complete honesty and full transparency, had I gone they likely would have admitted to be evaluated. Yes, I was that bad.
Instead, I prayed. God began to show me deep things. As my marriage was coming to an end and through the divorce, I was a complete mess. So many thoughts ran through my head. The neurologist increased this medicine (the one I just came off of). Now this medicine was not only used for migraines, but depression and even neuropathy. I had already been diagnosed with depression a long time ago and the neuropathy would follow. Maybe I needed the help? Maybe not. This medicine was not healing me, it was merely masking the symptoms. It was stealing my dream life and it was covering my pain and trauma that needed to heal.
God began to show me a large bandaid had been ripped off of my heart. There it was. Exposed and suppressed feelings and trauma oozing from my heart. The “bandaid” kept the wound moist, still tender to the touch and it wasn’t just any pain. It was a pain that ran through the heart into my soul. Yes. A huge gapping soul wound had been festering beneath the surface. Medication could not heal this, but there is a Master Physician who could.
That brings me to today’s passage. God began working on my heart the moment I cried out for His help. But through the pain and tears, I had to trust Him completely. I could not lean unto my own understanding or even the Dr.’s so willing to just medicate the pain away. No, I had to trust God and lean into Him. I had to glean from His wisdom and follow the path HE sets before me. The bandaid is off! I’m in the Master’s hands where true healing is taking place. I’m moving forward with my complete trust in Him. Allow me to say it louder, I am trusting in the Lord with all of my heart and leaning not unto my own understanding. 🦅 ~ Prophetess Michelle, #f8ithgal, #Joy
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” ~ Proverbs 3:5
Eyes of God Prophetic Ministry 