Wow, what a journey the last couple of weeks has taken me on. At one point, I fell to my knees and just cried out to my Poppa. Cleansing tears fell as I told Him this is too much for my heart to bear. For hours I sat in my floor crying, praying, just me and Him. I felt as if my heart was literally breaking inside of my body. I’m not strong enough Poppa. I emptied myself into Him, tear after tear. He caught them every one. “Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” Psalm 56:8
The devil is a cunning expert when it comes to throwing things back into your face so every poor decision was spit back at me. Every conversation, every unheeded warning. All of it, spinning out of control through my mind. Tears continue to flow. Then I’m reminded of Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Tears continue to flow as I recalled a conversation with my precious and wise sister Terra. I had told her I was just stupid and she said she was not going to allow me to talk about her friend that way. What stuck out most in that conversation with was her was when she told me it was a heart issue. Oh how true that was. Poppa, my heart. Your heart, daughter. Is just how I made it. It’s just how I intended it to be. Because of this, there will always be people that seek to abuse it. There will be others that just want what you have and try to tap into it in ways that cause you pain. Keep your eyes on me. Keep your focus on me. Your discernment only comes from your walk with me and obedience to My voice. All that you long for is yours, but in my timing. Your heart is special, to be treasured. Not everyone is going to see its value. I will open the eyes of those I want in your life, those that are meant to be a part of your destiny.
The struggle has been real in the days since I dropped to my knees. Good memories will come flooding in and I just want to pick up the phone and then I hear, it was an illusion daughter. I remember someone close to me at the start of things saying you think you have found a cute dog to take home and fix up, what you found was a ravenous wolf that will tear you apart. That was hugely accurately only I don’t think I found it, it found me. A wolf preys on its target much like a narcissist preys on it’s victim. In my devotional this morning, “Destiny Daily Readings Inspirations for Your Life’s Journey” by T. D. Jakes a passage read, “They really were like predators, lurking upon me to suck the life out of me and then leaving me to wither and die. They were not interesting in helping me reach my destiny and become all God had created me to be.” This is profoundly true in my case. My “Holy roller” thing was okay if I didn’t take it too far (if it didn’t interfere with his plans). When it went too far and God started calling me closer to my destiny and further from him, I saw a completely different side. The mask fell away and the hurtful things spoken can’t be taken back. That same devotional this morning went on to say, “They couldn’t block what God had just for me. They actually set me up to reach my destiny.” Again, profoundly true.
I went back to something my Poppa had told me in the weeks just before this. Things were escalating and I was struggling. He said I am shifting things around daughter, moving pieces into place. There is change in your atmosphere, a shaking of things into place that is coming from me. Stop fighting it. Allow My love to flow and comfort you. I replied, it hurts Poppa. He gently answered, I know it hurts daughter. Pruning is never pleasant but necessary for growth. Your destiny still awaits. The path is narrow so many along the way just can’t be a part of it. Draw unto Me, follow My light. Listen for My voice, My prompting. Goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life. You will grow strong in Me. You will overcome this and have a testimony from it. Yes, I told you the outcome but I also knew your heart would follow after him. A lesson to be learned. More bricks for the foundation that will help others. Turn your focus back to Me. Your destiny awaits my child, your destiny awaits. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
My Poppa was so right. This not only brought me to my knees it set a chain of events in action that are propelling me toward my destiny. I enrolled in Charis Bible College in the days that followed. What I endured over the last several months are solid bricks in a foundation with a testimony to help others. That devotional this morning was filled with a couple more passages that hit home. “When God has a plan for you, humans can’t stop it.” He also talks about a predator. The things he said are so very true, “a predator is often smart, cunning, and physically attractive… He studies his prey, chooses carefully, and lures you in before the strike.” You’re heart is often too invested and your head to manipulated by the time you realize it and the damage has been done. That makes our daily walk so important, I walked right into the net of the wolf. But as I close, I want to give you hope. Jesus doesn’t leave you in your mess. He doesn’t take pride in saying I told you so. He will prune back the decaying and unfruitful leaves. He will water and nurture you, sometimes back to life. He will shine His love back down on you and not leave you in that pit of despair. I also see Romans 8:28 as a promise, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” I don’t care what has happen in your life, God can turn it around and work it out for your good when you are called to His propose. 💛 ~ Chelle, #f8ithgal
“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” Genesis 50:20