Conversations with My Poppa

Help me Poppa, I hate him right at this moment. I hate where loving him as brought me to at this point in my life. I hate that I’m climbing back out of a hole I allowed him to put me into. I hate that I feel this way about someone that I loved so much and I hate that my mind still fights to recover from the damage he caused. I hate… I sat on my bed and just cried. Tears rolling down my face, my Poppa so loving and sweet prompted me to turn on my playlist. As I’m scrolling through, the Holy Ghost guides me to one I have labeled “Needed Time.” I hit play and “Oxygen” by Steffany Grezinger begins to play, “You are my oxygen You’re making me wanna live again You are my oxygen You’re making me wanna live again! Sometimes my very best Is only my weakest yes You see strength in every movement Baby steps and short breaths Anything is progress You sustain my every moment My lifeblood, my true love My reason, my because My hope when I’m hopeless You never run out, You’re the source of it The moon in my night sky My vision when I’m blind When I quit, You still fight You fight for me.”

I’m smoothing out the kinks in that rope daughter. That pain and unrest you feel are the knots beginning to loosen. It hurts Poppa. I don’t hate him, I hate the mess that is left behind. I’m angry with myself for allowing my heart to overtake my mind. I’m angry… no I’m hurt that he’s not who I know he could be. He’s not your burden to carry. This was not my will for you, but I will work it our for your good and in you favor. I sat and cried and realized in that moment, I had no words but the Holy Ghost that lives within me was praying, making intercession on my behalf. “26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.” Romans 8:26-28

A peace covered me. The enemy is trying to sift you, but you are rooted me. All of this daughter is making you stronger and giving you a testimony to encourage and empower others. Things aren’t always as they appear, I work in realms the natural eyes cannot see. Put your faith in Me to meet beyond your needs. That deserves a praise shout, my Poppa did not promise to merely meet my needs but BEYOND my needs. So, I had a moment today. Not the first, probably not the last. BUT my Poppa picked me up, dusted me off, and said keep going. I was looking at the NOW. The moment I was overwhelmed in. My air mattress busted, I had to buy a mattress (I really couldn’t afford). It was larger and the room we are in is tiny. April messed in the floor. After my moment and prayer time, I see April curled up on the new mattress so much more comfortable. A small but cozy room. AND I know God is working to supple BEYOND my needs so a bigger place is coming. Keep reading, a testimony about it will be coming when that time arrives. Until them, I’ll keep pressing! 💛 ~ Chelle, #f8ithgal

God knows every tear we cry, not one single drop goes unnoticed in His eyes! “Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” Psalm 56:8

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